Filthy Dirty and Offensive Pick Up Lines for Horrible Men

NSFW.

Dark humor is one of my favorite things. It's hilariously funny when you mix dark humor with cheesy pick up lines. 

Remember, these are meant to be absurd, offensive, X-rated and humorous, so make sure you try these rizz lines on the next woman you see.

They are 100% guaranteed to work! (Not really, but hey, try 'em anyway.)

If you get punched in the face or kicked in the balls for using these pick up lines, just know and understand that risk is a part of life and that fortune favors the brave.

Legal disclaimer: For entertainment purposes only. Don't actually say this shit to anyone.

Ok, legal bullshit out of the way, let's get started!

Extremely Dirty Pick Up Lines

 

1. Is your name Winter? Because I know you'll be coming soon.

2. Is your vagina a kid's birthday party? Because I want to crash it and wreck it just for fun.

3. Are you an archeologist? Because I have a large bone I want you to discover.

4. I'm training to be an astronaut. Yep, my first mission is to penetrate Uranus.

5. Do you like dry turkey? No? How about wet cock?

6. Did you see the weather forecast? You're getting slammed by 3 and a half inches tonight. 

7. If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to suck my dick?

8. You look like you have a Vitamin D deficiency, and by Vitamin D I mean my dick.

9. Are you a sea lion? Because I could sea you lion naked and choked half to death on my bed tonight.

10. Can I poke your belly button? Uh, I meant from the inside.

11. You're so hot, even my zipper is falling for you. 

12. Want to see if we can add "tolerates deep anal penetration well" to your resumé tonight?

13. You must be Medusa, because you just turned my dick to stone.

14. You know, I'd never want you to change... just come over to my place and get naked.

15. You're like my pinky toe; I'm gonna bang you on every piece of furniture and yell profanities so loud my neighbors call the cops.

16. Let's play house. You be the door, and I'll be the big fat bald guy who slams you from behind. 

17. Do you have pet insurance? Because I'm gonna slaughter your pussy tonight.

18. I might not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock.

19. You look like you want to sit on my face.

20. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would totally fuck the shit out of you because you'd be really impressed by my uncanny ability to alter the course of human civilization.

21. Are you a bird? Because I'd love it if you hawk tuah and spit on that thang.

22. Are you a lumberjack? Because it'd be great if you were already skilled at handling large, ugly, oddly-shaped pieces of wood.

23. Want to play Hiroshima? It's a game where I lay back and you blow the hell out of me.

 

There you have it, men, some of the best and most horribly vulgar pick up lines ever created. 

If you're lucky, the woman that you use one of these pick up lines on will have a sense of humor and think you're funny.

Maybe she appreciates dark humor as much as we do.

We hope you enjoyed these X-rated pick up lines and that you laughed at at least one of them.

Comedy, in its true form, is a rare artform that should be celebrated. And these ridiculously absurd pick up lines are indeed a celebration of humor.