Halloween Jokes That Will Delight And Amaze

Who is ready for teeth-clattering chuckling and gleeful cackling? You'll be delighted and amazed by these handpicked, original Halloween jokes.

Whether you love Halloween for the copious amounts of crazy pumpkin spice products that continue to widen eyes or you prefer the dark, evil, bloody, scary side of the spectrum, you'll be sure to find this comedy to be ghastly fun!

Below are the most hauntingly satisfying puns and jokes you'll read this Halloween!  Behold the compendium of various Halloween jokes that have tickled our ribs for years!

 

Skip right to your favorite jokes! 

SKELETON JOKES
ZOMBIE JOKES
VAMPIRE JOKES
GHOST JOKES
PUMPKIN JOKES
MUMMY JOKES
WITCH JOKES
SCARECROW JOKES
BAT JOKES
HALLOWEEN DAD JOKES

 

It's that mysterious time of year when the veil between the living and dead slowly deteriorates as the night obscures the once sunny skies and the weather crisps, bracing us for the harsh winter ahead. 

The autumn equinox, when the cycle of life turns to the inevitability of death, we are shown the nature of ourselves through the external decay all around us. 

The leaves dying eerily bring about internal joy within us as our fascination with The Grim Reaper and the afterlife can be fully experienced, without judgement, when the misty fog of the October days unfold. 

During Halloween we feel compelled to embrace the darker side of ourselves. We are free to expose ourselves to and confront what drives us to our worst fears, anxieties, and suspicions.

Those chilling horrors now fully animated, we delve into the holiday with excitement, ready to be scared beyond our imagination! And we do it all for fun! 

Halloween paints a gory picture of torture, torment, murder most foul, and all that is malignant and atrocious.

Through the artistic macabre of Halloween, be it media or an old fashioned live-action haunted house, we are shown the wondrous and colorful scene that is the contrast of all we accept as normal, correct, and beautiful. 

It is a time to enjoy the pictures from life's other side. 

Yet, not everything about Halloween is all mayhem and doom. There is also the lighter side of Halloween where we steep ourselves in hijinks and practical jokes. 

Nobody knows why it is so fun to scare the people we love (particularly our significant others) so much, but it is indeed a spine-tingling thrill! 

Yes, Halloween is about fright and horror, but it's also a time for humor and laughter. 

Let's get started! 

 

SKELETON JOKES

At Halloween, skeleton jokes can be quite humerus! Pun fully intended. These time-tested jokes will rattle your skull and tickle your ribs! If you're not laughing at most of these, then you have no funny bone!   

 

1. Why are skeletons always so mellow? Nothing gets under their skin! 

2. Why do skeletons avoid eating Halloween candy? They don't have the stomachs for it! 

3. Why are skeletons always so lonely? They have no body to love! 

4. Why was there no music at the skeleton church? They had no organs!

5. What did the skeletons order when they went out to eat? Spare ribs! 

6. Why was the skeleton student kicked out of school? He was bad to the bone!

7. Why did the skeleton get into so many fights? He always had a bone to pick!

8. How did the skeleton always know he was right? He could just feel it in his bones! 

9. Why wouldn't the skeleton climb to the top of the mountain? He didn't have the guts for it!  

10. Why didn't the skeleton use a towel after swimming? He bone dried!

 

 

 

ZOMBIE JOKES

These undead jokes are so old and classic but they're constantly being reanimated every year. There's no way to kill these zombie jokes, however, because they will live on forever in infamy! 

 

1. What do you call a flesh eating insect? A Zom-Bee!

2. What did the zombie say to his girlfriend? I like you for your brains!  

3. Why did the zombie fail the really easy test? It was a no-brainer! 

4. Why do zombies fall asleep so easily? They're dead tired!

5. What is a zombie's favorite cooking utensil? A dead man wok-ing! 

6. How do you know when a zombie is sick? He can't stop coffin! 

7. What do zombie businessmen do at meetings? They brainstorm! 

8. What do vegan zombies eat? Grrraaaaainns! 

9. Why are there so many zombie outlaws? They can't be taken alive! 

10. What do you call a large zombie congregation? A mass grave! 

 

VAMPIRE JOKES

Vampire jokes on Halloween are definitely something you can sink your fangs into! These ancient, time-honored jokes have once again emerged from the crypt, and unlike vampires, these laugh bombs do not suck! 

 

1. Why can't vampires ever make it in art school? They just draw blood

2. How does it feel to be kissed by a vampire? It's a pain in the neck! 

3. How did the vampire feel about his new AI girlfriend? It was love at first byte!

4. Why do vampires take the autocorrect off their phones? They love Type O's!

5. What does a vampire call someone who has high blood pressure? Fast food!

6. Where does Dracula like to soak his feet? In a bat tub! 

7. Why did the vampire club send out so many recruitment flyers? They were looking for new blood! 

8. How did the celebrity vampire spend his free time? Reading fang mail!

9. Why do vampires read magazines? They were told they have a good circulation!

10. What is a redneck vampire's favorite beverage? Blood-weiser! 

 

GHOST JOKES

Apparitions are difficult to detect even with the greatest EMF equipment known to man. However, they're real, and they like to play pranks on people all the time. In the spirit of their great humor, we have some funny jokes just for them! 

 

1. Why do ghosts always take the elevator instead of the stairs? It lifts their spirits! 

2. Where do ghosts buy their candy corn? At the ghost-ery store! 

3. Why are ghosts always at the bar? They love the boos! 

4. Who did the ghost take to the dance? His ghoul-friend! 

5. What room will you never find in a ghosts home? A living room! 

6. What is a ghosts favorite soccer position? The ghoulie! 

7. Why are ghosts such terrible liars? You can see right through them! 

8. What section of the newspaper do ghosts love to read? Their horror-scopes!

9. What motto do ghosts like to live by? Eat, Drink and Be Scary! 

10. What does a ghost use to remind himself of important things? Ghost-it notes!

 

 

PUMPKIN JOKES

What is Halloween without pumpkins and jack-o-lanterns? Whether scary, sad, happy or mischievous, the pumpkin's face is always welcome. So to pay tribute to the great pumpkin, and to (pumpkin) spice up your life, here's some old fashioned jokes that will squash any bad day!  

 

1. What did the pumpkin coach say to his students? Go big or gourd home!

2. How do you fix a busted jack-o-lantern? A pumpkin patch!  

3. What did the pumpkin say to the carving knife? Cut it out! 

4. Why did the pumpkin take the long way home? To avoid a seedy part of town! 

5. What do pumpkins say to each other at parties? Let's get smashed! 

6. What do surfer pumpkins always say at Halloween? Gourd vibes only bro! 

7. How did the jack-o-lantern finally quit smoking? The pumpkin patch! 

8. How does a pumpkin stay so romantic? He doesn't get too mushy! 

9. Who was the most famous pumpkin artist? Vincent Van Gourd! 

10. What did the pumpkin say to his girlfriend? I only have pies for you! 

 

 

MUMMY JOKES

Mummies have become an integral part of Halloween. Despite having an actual historic significance, mummies have become a classic in monster mania. Since mummies can't speak for themselves, we'll have to tell all the jokes for them. Sit back and let the jokes unravel! 

 

1. Why don't mummies ever take vacations? They are afraid to unwind! 

2. What is a mummy's favorite genre of music? Wrap music! 

3. How do you know when a mummy is a vegan? Don't worry, he'll tell ya!

4. Why was the Pharaoh so upset? He missed his mummy!

5. Why do mummies always get thrown in jail? They get a bad wrap!  

6. Why are some mummies so angry? They're wrapped too tight! 

7. Why is it safe to tell mummies your secrets? They keep everything under wraps! 

8. Why should you never be friends with a mummy? They're always so wrapped up in themselves! 

9. Why won't mummies ever carry cash? They prefer crypt-o-currency! 

10. What do you call a mummy who just won at the casino? A lucky stiff! 

 

 

WITCH JOKES

Witches are a beguiling staple in Halloween culture. From the persecution of actual suspected witches in Salem to popular cinema, there's always something cooking that will put a spell on you! Witches aren't all nasty hags trying to eat your children though, some of them have a great sense of humor. Here are some bewitching, ancestral jokes that will summon a few laughs! 

 

1. Why was the witches broom late for work? It over-swept! 

2. What happened to the bad witch at school? She was ex-spelled! 

3. Why won't witches wear baseball hats? There's no point in it! 

4. Why do witches love candles so much? They're both wicked to the core! 

5. What did the witch write in her hotel review? Excellent broom-service! 

6. What do call witches who love the summer time? Sand-witches! 

7. How do you make a witch itch? Take away her W! 

8. What do you call an anxious witch? A twitchy witch! 

9. What do young witches learn in spelling class? How to write in curse-ive! 

10. What do you call optimistic witches? Witchful thinkers! 

 

 

SCARECROW JOKES

Well, I reckon people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they? Well, maybe they aren't sophisticated intellectuals, but at least they've planted some well groomed crops of jokes that aren't too corny! 

 

1. Why did the scarecrow win such a high award? He was outstanding in his field!

2. Why wouldn't the scarecrow eat his dinner? He was already stuffed! 

3. Why won't anybody believe scarecrows? They're always clutching at straws!

4. Why was the scarecrow so nostalgic? He missed his hay-day! 

5. What do you call a scarecrow who solves mysteries? Strawlock Holmes! 

6. Where does a scarecrow hate to get drunk? A crow bar

7. What kind of milkshake do scarecrows love? Straw-berry! 

8. Why was the scarecrow afraid to fly? He didn't have the guts! 

9. Why was the scarecrow named an honorary police officer? He prevented a murder! 

10. How did the politician scarecrow win so many elections? He stuffed the ballot box! 

 

BAT JOKES

There's been some batty Halloween jokes flying around on this page, but we're glad you're still hanging around for more! These next jokes might have you turned upside down with laughter so don't forget to charge your battery! 

 

1. Why are baseball games played at night? Bats sleep in the daytime! 

2. How did the student bat carry all of his books around? In his bat pack!

3. What did the celebrity bat get for being so popular? His own fang club! 

4. Why won't bats ever play tennis? They prefer bat-minton!  

5. Why did the bat get such bad grades? He was too busy hanging out! 

6. Why couldn't the shy bat talk to other bats? He needed a wing man! 

7. Why did the persistent bat keep pestering his parents? He knew they would cave! 

8. Why couldn't the bat find a girlfriend? He hated blind dates! 

9. Why are bats such good fighters? They have excellent com-bat skills!

10. What kind of bats cheat on tests? Copybats! 

 

  

HALLOWEEN DAD JOKES

You can't forget about the Halloween dad jokes! The all-star, king-of-the-couch, head-of-the-table comedy that never stops giving. Dad jokes are becoming the most popular in the world for good reason. You'll see that these are actually funny! 

 

1. What happens if you tell jokes while trick-or-treating? You'll get a few Snickers! 

2. What has a thousand ears but can never hear you? A corn maze! 

3. What do you call a Buddhist wolf? Aware-wolf! 

4. What's a fun game to play on Halloween? Hide and shriek! 

5. Did you hear about the fake flying spaghetti monster? What an impasta! 

6. What type of Halloween candy is really well behaved? Kindly corn!

7. What do monsters eat at the Halloween fair? Terror-fries! 

8. What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines!

9. What kind of martial arts does a rat take? Ka-RAT-te! 

10. Why did the alien storm out of the party? He needed some space! 

 

There you have it fellow Halloween lovers. We're glad we were able to share some humor and good fun for the holiday! Feel free to share this blog (or any of the jokes) with your friends and family. Pass them on and keep them going for more haunted generations to come! 

If you enjoyed these jokes, check out our awesome Halloween Memes!